I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
