I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
