wrigley field is MILF paradise
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
