it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we should paint friendship bongs
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