If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
