I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
