Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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