Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
