No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
