You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
