Soap is not a condiment
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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