i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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