Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
