Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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