You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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