I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
