oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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