My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
