Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
