His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
