Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
