I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
