dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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