Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
