UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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