She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
