is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
