I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
