btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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