YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
