Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize