i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So many bounce houses so little time
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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