I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
