We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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