that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
