Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
