I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
