I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
