If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
