We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
