sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
