Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
