I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
