He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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