I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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