so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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