Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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