Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
