there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The power of my boobs compel you
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
