just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I would fuck him just for his dog
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
