So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
