She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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