Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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