she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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