oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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