Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
