I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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