Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she peed on how many people?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We left the knife in your bed.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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