erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
