Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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