Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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