If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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