i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
