you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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