god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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