I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
